Parenting 

Liviu Poenaru, Dec. 15, 2024

 

Andrew Bomback’s Long Days, Short Years: A Cultural History of Modern Parenting is a reflective, critical examination of the evolving expectations, challenges, and cultural ethos surrounding parenting in the 21st century. Bomback skillfully captures the contradictions of modern parenting: the simultaneous glorification and frustration that it inspires, the endless pursuit of mastery in raising children, and the persistent societal pressures that shape this journey. Through a blend of personal anecdotes, cultural critique, and historical perspective, the book explores parenting not only as an intimate familial experience but also as a construct laden with broader social and economic implications.

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Bomback’s analysis can be linked to the dynamics of cybercapitalism, where parenting becomes deeply enmeshed with the consumption of material and digital commodities. Parenting today is increasingly mediated by apps, devices, and content marketed as essential tools for "good parenting." From baby monitors that sync with smartphones to algorithm-driven parenting advice platforms, these commodities perpetuate the idea that success in parenting is achievable through perpetual consumption.

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This is further reinforced by the productivity ethos embedded in cybercapitalism. Parents, particularly mothers, are pressured to maximize their efficiency—balancing work, caregiving, and self-care—while adhering to an ever-expanding list of prescribed behaviors from parenting literature, blogs, and social media influencers. These platforms fuel a cycle of comparison and inadequacy, subtly demanding that parents “consume” solutions to keep pace with societal expectations. Failing to do so risks not only personal guilt but also social exclusion, as parenting competence is increasingly tied to visible engagement with these digital ecosystems.

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The heightened pressures of modern parenting may inadvertently contribute to the preparation of mentally ill adolescents, as evidenced by rising rates of anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders among youth. Epidemiological data reveals alarming trends, with significant increases in the prevalence of these issues, particularly post-pandemic. These challenges are often rooted in early-life dynamics, where parents’ struggles with perfectionism and overprotection clash with children’s developmental need for autonomy and resilience. 

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This situation is further exacerbated by a polarization inherent to cybercapitalism: children are simultaneously hyperprotected within the controlled environments parents strive to create and prematurely thrust into the chaotic and competitive landscape of the digital world. In this "digital jungle," children face the economic and psychological warfare of curated perfection, attention economies, and algorithmic manipulation, often without the maturity or tools to navigate these pressures. This dual dynamic—overprotection at home and premature exposure to the harsh realities of the digital marketplace—creates a fractured environment that undermines their emotional stability and capacity to develop resilience, leaving them vulnerable to chronic mental health challenges.

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Bomback’s observations about the rise of “parenting as mastery” resonate here. The relentless pursuit of raising well-adjusted, successful children often neglects the reality that perfectionism—both parental and societal—can stifle emotional growth. Parents overwhelmed by prescriptive advice or paralyzed by fears of inadequacy may unconsciously transmit these anxieties to their children. Moreover, the focus on performance metrics in education, extracurricular activities, and even social interactions further entrenches a mindset of constant evaluation, exacerbating stress in young people.

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Cybercapitalism compounds these issues by amplifying the pressures on both parents and children. Social media and digital platforms create curated versions of family life, fostering unrealistic expectations. Children growing up in these environments are bombarded with idealized images of success and happiness, leading to chronic dissatisfaction and self-esteem issues. Parents, too, are caught in a cycle of digital validation, where their worth is measured by likes, shares, and algorithmic feedback on their parenting choices.

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The pandemic underscored the importance of mental health, as Andrew Bomback highlights, but it also exposed systemic gaps in how families address these needs. While the normalization of seeking mental health support is a positive development, the reliance on digital solutions, such as telehealth and virtual schooling, has introduced challenges that cannot be ignored. 

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The dramatic increase in screen time for children during this period heightened their exposure to targeted advertising, curated images promoting unattainable ideals, and the relentless demands of the attention economy. Yet, what remains largely unseen and unacknowledged is how the pandemic amplified children’s exposure to pervasive economic codes embedded in digital ecosystems. These codes, hidden within gamified apps, algorithmically curated content, and advertisements, subtly shaped children’s behaviors, preferences, and self-worth, reinforcing consumerist ideologies at a time when their mental health was most vulnerable. These digital environments amplified cognitive overload as children navigated not only their educational responsibilities but also an array of distractions designed to capture and exploit their focus. Compounding these challenges, the curated nature of online content often reinforced consumer-driven values and perfectionistic standards, fostering feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction in an already isolating environment.

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Children were thrust into a digital landscape saturated with informational violence—sensationalist news, misinformation, and polarized debates—all of which exceeded their developmental capacities for critical engagement. This overexposure exacerbated anxiety, blurred their ability to differentiate between reality and manipulation, and added to the psychological toll of an uncertain world. 

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During the pandemic, parents faced unprecedented challenges in addressing these issues while navigating their own mental health struggles. With children spending more time online due to virtual schooling and social isolation, many parents found themselves in uncharted territory, attempting to mitigate the adverse effects of excessive screen time while managing work-from-home responsibilities and household duties. 

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Parents grappled with their own increased screen time, as they relied on digital platforms for work, social connections, and news, which inadvertently modeled behavior for their children. The lack of community support, coupled with limited access to mental health resources during the pandemic, left many parents feeling isolated and overwhelmed, further complicating their ability to address these critical issues effectively. 

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The idea of productivity as the ultimate goal in parenting is another key link to cybercapitalism. Parents are not only expected to “do it all” but to do it visibly and flawlessly, often at great personal cost. This productivity trap devalues the intangible aspects of parenting—emotional connection, spontaneity, and shared vulnerability—while emphasizing measurable outputs like academic success, athletic achievements, and social milestones.

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Parents who resist or fail to meet these standards risk social exclusion, a phenomenon particularly evident among economically disadvantaged families. The commodification of parenting resources—be it through expensive private schooling, extracurriculars, or digital learning tools—reinforces class divides.

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Families unable to afford these “essentials” are increasingly marginalized, perpetuating cycles of inequality, exclusion, and mental health issues, particularly as social norms and rules are now heavily influenced by social media. The digital divide, exacerbated during the pandemic, highlights this disparity: families with limited access to technology or the financial means to invest in curated educational tools, extracurricular activities, and mental health resources are left behind in a system that increasingly equates digital engagement with social participation. As social media platforms shape cultural and behavioral expectations, families without access or the ability to perform this curated "digital parenthood" face stigmatization and alienation. 

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This exclusion not only impacts their social standing but also deepens mental health challenges, as children from these families feel disconnected from peers who are immersed in these digital worlds. The absence of viable, community-based social alternatives reinforces this divide, leaving marginalized families with few resources to foster resilience and well-being in an increasingly consumer-driven and digitally mediated society. 

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Bomback’s Long Days, Short Years invites readers to question the cultural and economic forces that shape modern parenting. To move beyond the anxieties and pressures he describes, we must critically examine the role of cybercapitalism in commodifying care and productivity. This means resisting the allure of perfectionism, rejecting the constant pursuit of mastery, and embracing more communal, less consumer-driven approaches to parenting.

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GO FURTHER

Lareau, A. (2011). Unequal childhoods: Class, race, and family life (2nd ed.). University of California Press.

Faircloth, C., Hoffman, D. M., & Layne, L. L. (Eds.). (2013). Parenting in global perspective: Negotiating ideologies of kinship, self, and politics. Routledge.

Nelson, M. K. (2010). Parenting out of control: Anxious parents in uncertain times. NYU Press.

Livingstone, S., & Blum-Ross, A. (2020). Parenting for a digital future: How hopes and fears about technology shape children's lives. Oxford University Press.

Hochschild, A. R. (2012). The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling (Updated ed.). University of California Press.

Fuchs, C. (2021). Social media: A critical introduction (3rd ed.). SAGE Publications.

Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents: Evidence from a population-based study. Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271-283. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pmedr.2018.10.003 

Keyes, K. M., Gary, D., O'Malley, P. M., Hamilton, A., & Schulenberg, J. (2019). Recent increases in depressive symptoms among U.S. adolescents: Trends from 1991 to 2018. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 54(8), 987-996. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-019-01697-8 

Twenge, J. M. (2017). iGen: Why today’s super-connected kids are growing up less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy—and completely unprepared for adulthood—and what that means for the rest of us. Atria Books.

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